My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
