it's great music for shaving your balls
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
