Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
