I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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