Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
