Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize