i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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