I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
