i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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