naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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