Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Congratulations! We have a period
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
