I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
