You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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