Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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