he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
