Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
