I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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