i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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