I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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