the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm too high and old for this...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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