You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
