My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
