I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
