Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
