Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
