if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
