When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
