and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
