dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
