A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
