get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
even my farts smell like vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize