OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
