it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
