I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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