At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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