That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
