Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
