i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude. I can hear the air.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
