you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
