dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
