I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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