honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
