I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
