out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
