3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think my mom watched the whole time
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
