is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
