but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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