Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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