people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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