So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
