So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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