i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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