So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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