Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
