is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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