I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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