Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
