His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
