There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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