I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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