In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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