Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize