i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
