This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
