I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize