LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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