The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
