Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
