dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
