i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
