I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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