i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
