she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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