I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
only you would photoshop your dick
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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