I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
