Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
