Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
