did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
