the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
