I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
