You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
