he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
