The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize