I'm lost and stupid without you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
