RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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