What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
