A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize