The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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