my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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