He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
