WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
