Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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