Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my liver is dry heaving
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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