I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
