How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
