your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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