I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
