I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's the barista slut.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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