Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
pray to the hookup gods
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