writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
