just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
